* This one is painful, close to my heart and raw… Does contain swearing because some things are just not okay.

For the loss of an idea,
I grieve.
For the loss of an opportunity,
I breathe.
The thoughts you think where going to manifest,
Just lost.

Lost on a lonely path,
They fell through a hole on someone else’s path,
Their ideas took over,
Their fears ran ramped,
And my luck was like a three leaf clover.

My end scene of me holding him,
Cradling and care loving,
Went out the door with their suspicious whim,
And it was all for nothin’.

With squished dreams in hand,
And a lone woman I stand,
Crying in an empty room,
On two feet I had to make sure to land.

My heartache, my loss, my grief bundled up,
In my big emotional bag flung cross my back,
Hold my infant, they told me “nup”,
My heart broke just a bit more.

But breastfeeding, chest to chest is what’s best,
To even get his temperature up,
But hell, none of those nurse twats know,
The breastfeeding expert came down from above,
And spoke loudly to fall on deaf ears….

These nurses, in NICU ‘knew best’,
To get his temperature up he must rest,
In the incubator he lays,
For days and days, while these nurses ignored me like ignorant fucks,
Only answering questions because it’s a must,

No bedside manner, did these nurses own,
None in bloody sight.
None of them did, couldn’t keep their personal opinions to themselves,
Told me I’d kill my kid if it wasn’t for their magic basically….

So my dreams of holding my young infant boy,
Went days and days with only few minutes between when we could be close and near.

Those new bonding moments went way out the window,
It took me months to bond with my little baby boy.
Heartache, disappointment, anger and rage,
Fear, anxiety all ramped up in that month there after.

“But you can’t cope” they kept telling me,
All while I shouted loud inside “Why the fuck can’t you just support me?”