To others I hide what’s inside my heart,
Not to be exposed at any part,
I’m trying to meet all expectations,
And failing at them all,
Trying to understand one in them all,
Seeking for more,
Shows me great lack of self,
I’m not comfortable with me,
Was I ever? Or ever will?
I’m always trying to get better at what I was lacking,
To the point I don’t know who I truly am,
My brains lost the tracking,
Always trying to improve,
But improve upon what?
My base seems to be gone,
My old foundations shot,
And while this not nearly a bad thing,
A new ones being built,
But as a building I’m shaking,
Feeling the crackling, the crumbling around,
I feel like emotionally I may just fall to the ground,
Today I did, today it came true,
Injustice was done,
Pushed me just too much,
I broke down in the car,
I screamed and verbally wanted to crush,
I was shaking as I stood by my youngest two kids,
Shaking, heart racing, my body pulsating,
I calmed down in the end but it was so hard,
Deep breathing techniques took me to still,
No more stress was I creating,
I took a deep breath, and counted aloud,
I was crying and crying, babbling hard.
But what am I hiding?
What’s deep down inside,
What am I hiding from me,
How do I just be?