autistic – In Her Heart Healing

Empathy

I have struggled with empathy all of my life

I’m too cold or distant a half assed life,

I could only see one way,

To blunt, too short,

Untactful, raw.

When I was young, I did some reading about it,

Implemented the advice, understand their feelings.

Live in the other persons shoes for a moment,

Put yourself there, and step in for a moment.

So I did just that, understood perspectives,

Still cold, distant, untactful,

It didn’t feel empathising.

I still felt cold, distant, alone,

And anything I said was like a faulty phone,

A broken cord, the line was muffled,

Crap communication,

My life simply sucked.

But empathy is the human moments that matter,

Understanding fear and overwhelm and the moments that scatter,

Leaning in and feeling the hurt, the loss, the deep deep dark hurtful hurt,

The confusing times, the mislead ways,

The sweet loving eyes that once have been betrayed,

And saying you feel it,

You feel their great joys, their hurt and their sorrows and giving them time for their pains and their tomorrows.

Living as an undiagnosed autistic,
Is like being an Android based phone trying to fit into an Apple based world,
Things don’t fit properly,
Things don’t calculate,

Being honest and genuine is our fit,
More over than that, earnest is our key,
But that doesn’t fit in an Apple door,
It turns them the wrong way.

They get the wrong idea,
Tell us that it can’t be as simple as we say,
They don’t take honest people honestly,
And they double guess what we say…

There is great pain,
When we are genuinely curious,
Wanting more information so we can understand their world,
A lot of the time gets us banned…

We caused offense, or disrespect,
When all we where doing was trying to empathize and understand,
I guess we don’t being android based,
Our filters turned off and the truths always in our face,
We can’t see the thing the Apples hide behind,
It’s invisible to us, yet we get turned down and go hide,

Often to pick up the bits of our mess,
While others call us stupid or blunt or cause distress,
We can see you, distant, quiet,
Hiding alone in your shamefilled moments,
We don’t understand why it takes you so long,
To uncover the thing that we haven’t been able to see all along,

To us it’s invisible,
Not in a place,
We don’t understand it,
We can’t see the shamed face,
We don’t see those missed signals too,

When we are telling the truth on something we knew,
To stop and to see the other person withdrawn, shamed faced and blunted,
To us nothing was wrong.

We saw it as fact and truth,
We don’t see the point of the beating round the bush stories,
We are clear cut and to the point,
Leaving out any fluffies…

And if I have been an Android all along,
Fitting into family of Apples in their world,
Is it any wonder, how things played out in the end,
Shredding their lies,
That I was lazy again,

Their best at their perspective,
Has broken our souls,
Taking years to recover if we ever do at all…

We are no different,
We are just the same,
We run just fine,
In the Android based games…
And Apples we love you, but we will never understand,
That invisible filter that we can’t comprehend.

In Her Heart Healing

Tag: autistic

Un-empathetic Me, Learning.

Android Autistic