co-parenting – In Her Heart Healing

How can I have four kids and deal with shit okay,
But the kids dad’s just don’t show up for their kids each day?

All in denial, all in their own shit,
Can’t see through their crap,
For the sake of their kids,

One’s recently ditched her,
The other knows about the dry skin, generic condition,
But does he do shit to help it?
No he skips that shit.

He leaves soap in his bath,
Doesn’t moisturize him after,
Couldn’t give two shit about his skin,
No that’s not what he’s after…

He’s after my reaction,
He forces me into this shit,
Makes me get mad,
All to get me to talk to him,
Because he’s emotionally abusive and mad.

He’s used the kids as pawns before,
And he is doing it again,
All because he’s lost me,
And is regretting his decision again.

I’m not falling, not this time,
For the shit and the lies,
And those pathetic puppy helpless eyes.

He can forget it,
I can forgive but not forget.
Forcing myself to stop caring for him was my decision,
And I’m not looking back.

I’ll try and be civil, I’ll try and be nice.
I have tried to forgive,
I need to practice thrice….

His mind games are awful,
Like cornering me into confess,
Something I didn’t do,
It is all in his head.

I have a lot to work on,
It’s one big mess,
But what I promise myself is the best promise yet.

I’ve seen my bad loops, my kink in the line,
I see where I stuff up, and I let slack the line,
I’m picking up the mess,
But where is he?
Literally trashing my front yard,
Because he’s fucking angry?!

Breaking the agreements,
On 3 times what I earn,
With a grown adult son,
Working is his concern,
Can’t pay full child support,
Can’t care for his own shit,

Can’t keep on his finances,
Can’t keep up with any of it.

I know this feels like I’m dumping on him,
But step up to the line mate,
Your turn was waiting….

Never paid for us financially,
Never the bread winner,
Blowing his budget on overpriced cars,

Never bought home the bacon,
Never cleaned up the mess,
Unmotivated,
Untidy,
Grumpy,
Emotionally a mess.

DCP didn’t even look at him, and he freaked right out,
What is he hiding,
Something no doubt.

Like literally all the shit was on me,
All he saw himself doing was “baby sitting”
And that more than I should be grateful for right after having his baby…

But I buy you nice things on the weekend, he says,
Like he can buy my love,
Caz my heart ain’t there.

But treat her nice, and buy her new things,
Well man, move on,
He can go find a girl who wants his funk ass attitude and his skint ass money.

He finds it too hard to moisturize his kid,
Feed them decent, it’s all takeaway yet,
N no coke before bed, they are less than TWO!

I pray for the capacity to move on from this toxic and heavy load, in Jesus name. Amen.

Come on over to my website and check out the courses to begin your journey from hurting to healing http://www.inherhearthealing.com

Centrelink scammer is all you see,
Living freely, carelessly,
Assumptions are made, disregard,
All because you go to work and work hard,

But what you don’t see is me,
Living faithfully,
Managing little people’s big emotions carefully.
And what you don’t see,
Is the appointments made,
Rearranged, and made again,
Follow ups,
The car drives,
Medical stuff,
Well I can’t let that slide,
Accountability to others,
And their knowledgeable way,
Helping my kids be a functional human,
Society may accept one day,

You don’t see the meltdowns,
The whole body throws,
The tears, the feelings these little kids crow,

And all while you say I just sit on my bum,
Have a free life,
Where I am rich and have it all my way,
In your mind, I’m just having a ball,
Everything is my way,
I should always do better,
And my good enough is never written in your letter.

Not to mention the nappy changes,
I have three, while most of the time you have none,
And while I sit here, writing this out,
I’m praying to God to stop this urge to let you know how I’m really feeling,

Cleaning up, laundering.
Fixing scrapes and bruises,
Headaches and runny noses,
Meals and snacks,
Food shopping,
Don’t forget the upcoming house inspection,
I can’t forget to chase you up dad?
Who scrapes by bare minimum?
While you can’t afford full child support,
But get 4 times more than I do…

And in you house it’s only you,
With your adult child,
Your income would be close to $80k
And you can’t afford to pay?

Here I am, single mum of four,
Living on 1/4 of your income and yet I can’t be poor,
Rolling in the luxuries,
Must be the way,
You don’t see my car needs new breaks,
Fan belt, only just operating.

The broken window I have to pay for because the landlord didn’t want to fix the glass door that sticks…
Another thing I have to organize on my list.

But I can’t, because I have to get my kids stuff seen to.
Paying for another pair of prescription glasses,
My child lost her new ones,
Though they are probably at the school because they don’t pack them up half the time,
But that’s also my fault I can’t find them, like it’s some sort of a crime.

And what do our kids eat?
Don’t you know, they are old enough you should know!
My fridge is full of fruit and vegetables,
Good nut spreads and breads,
Watered down juice and water,
Why what do they eat at yours, mortar?

They come home clogged up, constipated,
And what I am doing is not nearly enough?
Who does the hydro runs,
Avoiding obvious puns,
Around you constantly holding my tongue.

Two of your kids and suddenly I’m no fun?
Really, I wonder if it was almost prolapse that got me, hun?
Or the fact my backs almost literally breaking,
It’s still not enough,
I should have predicted,
And it’s all my way,
Like I’m psychic and planned it this way.

In Her Heart Healing

Tag: co-parenting

Co-parenting… Kinda?

Not for the Narcs.