Tag: family

That is not me.

That is not me.

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I knew there was a disconnect, between who I am and me. Something that doesnt align, and breaks my heart to see. The way I parent my inner child, is my mum, and is just not me… So how would I parent myself, if I erased my mum and parent the parent I can be?

I would take all the clocks down, remove all devices, send my kids for outside time, and take down the threats of violence against devices.

My children have exhausted me, all up today,
Whinging, questioning, talking and talking, I have dreamed of doing the walking.

I would have a quiet house, alone. Kids playing happily, but it really ain’t the norm.

Breaking out of my mum’s mould gently, in the strongest way I know. Quietly, quietly, attention to me, I am on my way home.

Bed – our proud and prayer.

Bed – our proud and prayer.

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How you put your children to bed,
Is it in anger or with poise?
Routines are stuffy, old and fluffy,
Dated, debated, rigid and hated…
Except for mine which is loved so dearly,
By my children and me,
We are holding it near,
So let me share with you our prayer and proud,
Our night routine isn’t usually loud.

Bath & teeth,
Play & PJ’s,
Book & bed,
Proud & Pray,
Sometimes we run through what happened today,
I pull up the bits that I hold so near,
I tell them something they love to hear,
Then I ask them, what they are proud of each day,
Sometimes its sweet, sometimes its to my dismay,
Then its prayer time, I honour all requests,
Especially when they want to pray for their dad, my ex.

I pray for them, I pray for me, I thank the Lord with a heart of glee,
It’s kiss and a cuddle,
Sometimes a drink,
Then off to sleep for my little kiddy winks!

What does your routine look like?
Do you find them fluffy?
Have you forged your own?

Comment below! I’d love to know 🙂

Unpretty Truth.

Unpretty Truth.

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Backlap is the rap that haunts me to the core,
The screaming, the yelling, the reflection of my soul,
Built up in my children, my voices of the past,
Haunting, crying, demanding my time more, more, more.
Tag teaming, the screaming, no room for a breather,
Twelve year Olds up in the shits-a, crying poor.
Tense from the thought of school holidays, can’t face my fears, my own cryings poor.
Healing is hard, it’s ugly truth,
Right up in my face until I hit the roof,
Traits from my parents all bottled up tight, flying off the handle is how I saw them fight,
Now I am an adult, they belittle me, for they see their ways, so ugly,
I need to heal, my mind wants to hide, the deep dark hole is what it fears inside.
In I dare peep, ready to shine that light, blazing in my soul from the creator of right,
The one who walks with me through the shadow valley, the one who walks with me when things are full blazing,
I haven’t forgotten to be grateful to you, the one with the guiding rod, and the souls flashlight too.

Thank you God for watching and being with me on my healing path. Amen.

Chat

Learning to pray.

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I humble myself, as I lay down to pray,
As I present my mustard seed to God,
Praying for humbleness, praying for family,
Praying for my heart to be gentled.

Declaring the Lord, who came to save,
Declaring I walk with him each day.
Teaching my kids to lean on His ways,
All while I help their little hearts to pray.

To normalize faith, once again in this house,
To love and lean on God for support,
Faith is our way, oh my little one prayed,
God help me use the toilet one day,
You see, she’s retained and delayed.

My eldest prayed for the storm to be over,
God answered her, in the midst of her fears,
Even he’s found a way to help her to pray.

And me, while I’m still regaining my feet in faith,
It’s solid as a rock, like David’s one could say,
Tiny and little, hard and fast,
Defeating it’s enemy without any doubt.

And so I’ll lay here, praying some more,
Studying God’s book that arrived at my door,
And in dream God will show me his comfort,
His warming, soothing, comforting light.

Chat

Boy, oh boy!

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Boy with CP,
Awaiting to crawl along the floor,
Already gone a year old,
Trying and trying for months on end,
Just to balance on both ends,

A year and two weeks he began to move,
Proud as punch he can go groove,
He goes to his siblings, playing all around,
And sits near them, just sitting on the ground,

His eyes light up as he looks at them,
Proud of his achievements, he’s mastered this gem,
His siblings tease “oh boy, you can’t catch me”
While he slowly tries to chase them with his laugh filled with glee.

Finally playing,
Finally free,
Finally feeling accomplished is he,
After months of wanting,
Determined is he,
Now he’s on the move,
So he can play with his siblings, wheee!

Chat

Perspective from a Mum.

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

You can start,
Bit you won’t finish,
You can begin with no end,
It’s the journey not the destination,
Sometimes feels like you can reach a nation,
Sometimes you can hit a mile,
Sometimes it’s just the destination,
Sufficient for her minds station.

Maybe the transitions are hard,
The stopping of one thing,
Then the start,
The moving to and fro,
Really gets to her little heart.

It’s not that she can’t do,
It’s not that she can’t find,
It’s that what she can’t process in her mind,
She’s unable to imagine well,
She’s unable to future-see,
Unable to look into the well you see.
Unable to look into her future,
Missing endless possibilities,

It’s only what’s in front of her,
Is only what she sees,
And when there’s change and no evidence,
It’s not in her minds abilities.

She is the most beautiful soul,
I have ever seen,
Gentle, kind and caring,
The most beautiful heart has she,

And though her life may be turmoil,
Going to and fro between,
It’s a splendid little life,
She has to share,
And all she wants to do is care.

Sometimes it comes out wrong,
And at times it not easy,
For her to say or do the right thing,
For her to show us she cares,
People take her the wrong way,
Sometimes she gets it wrong,
Her hearts always in the right place,
Has been all along.


Chat

Throw Ya Back Out.

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

My body refuses to function,
From my navel down,
I can’t do anything,
I’m seized up,
I’m only managing to lie down,

I sprained my lower back,
The inflammation still abounds,
Oh the pain is unbearable,
Especially when my kids playing on the ground.

I can’t even move,
I feel so invalid,
I can barely function,
But I have so much to do.

I wonder if the pain is there from stress in the past year,
The trauma, the events,
Captured in my lower back,
There because that’s where I laboured,
It may have been injured.

So my feelings stuck in my body,
Tight n tense,
Clearly unprocessed and jarred.
Upright, uptight.

Stabbing pain as inflammation shoots through,
Burning and scraping with it’s claws,
My poor back, makes me roar.

Garlic, tumeric, ginger infused honey,
To help my inflammation become at bay.
Got me through so many hard times before.
This stuff keeps my soul sunny, hey.

My whole lower self is tight, seized up,
An aftermath of it fighting itself,
Working too hard,
The underside of being an independent woman,
My body can’t hack it any more,
But the man I had was not quite so helpful,
Only making me feel like his mother,

How I yearned for his help, his assistance his hands to support me through the hard times,
He ran away. Leaving me with all the bits,
The mental mess to deal with of having those hard times.

How I wanted him to stick by me.
Be my rock,
Listen to me,
Not question n doubt me.

Asking for help fell on deaf ears too long,
My body not coping, almost breaking,
But to him it must be that I was cheating,

No my body’s not coping,
I’ve been saying all along,
Pregnancy stuff, bodys not strong,
Muscles are weaker and hope not for prolapse,
It didn’t but now my body feels like it’s in collapse.

Friends got me magnesium,
Pain releif cream, starting to feel better,
Hours later I can fully function,
Feeling better as I go,
I’m not better still
Just recovering,
On a pill.

Two weeks I’ve got to go,
Take it easy, with the kids in tow,
My body is not once what it use to be,
How long can my body cope with me being me,

I must change my mindset,
Help to be sought,
I must lean on my family n friends,
My only resource,

I have got to be strong,
Take it as it comes,
Breathe through the rest,
While I beat to my own drum.