Marks and scars from yesterday

Marks and scars from yesterday

Holding space for the feelings,
Letting them flood in,
Quiet, meek and selfish,
The emotional lords come in,

Telling me lies and fakery,
Got the tricks up their sleeves,
Uninterested, bland, distasteful,
The doubts start creeping in.

You’ll be alone forever,
Way to stuff that one up,
You have no time in the world,
It almost makes you wanna hurl,

The lies and the fakery,
Confusion and the blame,
Anger and unforgiving,
All end up the same,

Stinking, festering, taking a-hold,
Gripping fast on its prey,
Bunkering down for nights on end,
Waiting for it’s victory day…

But festering feelings never come to much,
And that’s not what I’ve been told,
Straight from the word of the mouth,
From our great and mighty God.

Forgive those time and time and time again,
Even when they are sour,
Even when their best foots festering,
When they repent, give them loving power,

Show them grace, show them love,
Show them your inner light,
Let them know you’re alright.

Even when they don’t repent,
Forgive them still, anyway.
For they know not the burden they’ve caused,
They might not care anyway,

Forgive them of your own free will,
It’s simple, do it today,
For keeping the burden they don’t know,
Isn’t on their mind anyway,

Your energy is better spent,
Doing things you love,
You know why, right my love?
The impact you’ll make will forever go beyond and above,

But you need to forgive those who once you loved.

For those who hurt you,
The same applies,
You’ll loose your sleep, while they shut their eyes,
You won’t rest until something is done,
So do it now, your work can be done,

For tomorrow you’ll wake,
Your soul is tired,
Restless, broken, you’ll head uninspired,
So you’ll play the same loop, again and again,
Until you do something,
My dear best friend.

Forgive them, even when it hurts,
It’s unjust, unfeeling, and for sure the pain will crust,
It’s ugly, it’s painful, and you didn’t deserve that shit,
That person was an ass to you,
But they won’t admit.

So heal yourself,
And heal your pain,
The marks and the scars from yesterday.



Dear Lord,
I pray for anyone reading this, anyone going through a hard time right now, anyone fighting demons telling them they aren’t good enough, that they are unforgivable, that they can’t forgive, I pray that your love fall upon us, teach us how to forgive. In Jesus name, banish those demons, their lies, their fog and confusion. I pray over everyone reading this today, that you may work in their hearts, and bring light into their life where the darkness is grasping at.
In Jesus name, amen.

Come on over to my website and check out the courses to begin your journey from hurting to healing http://www.inherhearthealing.com


Raw Realisations

Raw Realisations

Being abandoned – why can’t you just…
He couldn’t be the hero. He couldn’t save him. His testosterone went down. He didn’t feel like a man. He couldn’t show up for me. He couldn’t show up for him.

But I made him that way. “Men can’t handle strong women” was playing in my head, “just bloody show up man”.

But he didn’t. He couldn’t. I blamed him. It was me.

It was me who dominated. It was me who stole the testosterone in the relationship.

I caused this. Fuck that’s hard.

I was too much “an independent woman” and didn’t allow myself to be gentle, needy, soft. Neither was my heart.

Thyroid. Testosterone. Pumped ego.

Falling away.

Reckless abandonment on my life, can no longer, no longer want to hold it.

It’s been a year.

A year since our son was seizuring, severely dehydrated.

A year since his eyes rolled around his little head.

I thought this was done. I thought this was over. It has to burn in me, and let the ash heal my soul.

For he did not enjoy my ultra-independance, enough drive for the both of us.

It ruined us.

It was me.

No time for soft n gentle,
No time for faff,
No time, and who wants to be needy?
That’s NOT my wrap.

Ego.

Pride.

Shame.

I call you out.

I am the one who got the way out.

I am the one who went in with imbalance, I went into a relationship with no need for a man.

I went and had kids, my two beautiful souls,
One I almost lost, thanks to my prideful ego.

I’m not proud of the fact,
Not of how I chose to act.

Not abandoning my post,
My ego “ultra independent” intact.

I didn’t need him, not from the get go,
But when he abandoned me, in my time of need,
I’ve been blaming him since the get go.

Since our child was hospitalized,
When he could have died.
A week old,
So tiny,
For my ego and pride.

Tubes too big for his little body,
The things wouldn’t fit,
The things he needed,
To fix his dehydrated body,
My huge mess.

I blamed him for so long,
His pride, his ego, his lack of testosterone.

Looking past my faults, I couldn’t see them til now.
Man up, I’d think as my ego would bow.

I need this softness to enter my life,
This wonderful God I found by my side,
Taking us up, me and my son, in his hour of need,
Sending his angles to work and watch over him.

The relationship crumbled,
It fell to the ground,
I stumbled on pieces,
That fell all around.

I silenced it. I switched it off.
I shut the door to the face,
I once adored.

I can’t go back there,
Where the healing lies.
To say sorry would be abandon my pride.

To go where I don’t want to.
To go where it’s clear.
To have a relationship I once held so dear.

I’ve tarried with it a year,
I won’t go back, ever – I’d say…

He could want me back,
And I want to heal.

It feels like a warm spot in a cool swimming pool.

It hurts my heart, and it hurts my head,
I still have a shit tonne to process yet.

Thanks to God, and thanks to my new group, them all,
I have started my journey to heal my soul.

I will take a breath, I will welcome it in,
The feelings of abandonment,
Coming flooding in.



Unpretty Truth.

Unpretty Truth.

Backlap is the rap that haunts me to the core,
The screaming, the yelling, the reflection of my soul,
Built up in my children, my voices of the past,
Haunting, crying, demanding my time more, more, more.
Tag teaming, the screaming, no room for a breather,
Twelve year Olds up in the shits-a, crying poor.
Tense from the thought of school holidays, can’t face my fears, my own cryings poor.
Healing is hard, it’s ugly truth,
Right up in my face until I hit the roof,
Traits from my parents all bottled up tight, flying off the handle is how I saw them fight,
Now I am an adult, they belittle me, for they see their ways, so ugly,
I need to heal, my mind wants to hide, the deep dark hole is what it fears inside.
In I dare peep, ready to shine that light, blazing in my soul from the creator of right,
The one who walks with me through the shadow valley, the one who walks with me when things are full blazing,
I haven’t forgotten to be grateful to you, the one with the guiding rod, and the souls flashlight too.

Thank you God for watching and being with me on my healing path. Amen.

Hurt to Healing $5 special

Hurt to Healing $5 special

Use code : FeedbackValue to get the course for $5!

As I wrote Hurt to Healing,
With God’s plan in mind,
I joined a page with the same outlook on life.

Use God’s word,
Deliver His plan,
Use my gifts,
Revealing my inner nerd,

There’s tonnes of value inside this book,
Inside this course you’ll find not a verse,
But you will uncover, some heavenly strategies,
Used by me throughout my life’s journey,

Feedback will be valued,
As will constructive criticism,
All so I can grow and walk on God’s journey for me.

For women who have been through hell on earth,
For those walking with grief, hurt and unworthiness,
For those feelings where mine,
How I dealt with them is in this course.
Moving forward in the most gentle of ways.

It’s of course not the be and end all,
this is just the beginning,
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Because I know what it’s like to go through tonnes of shit in life,
Piling on me all at the same time…
The things I have used are listed in this course,
Only two really bad nights in the last 18 months.

Usually I cry for about 30 minutes max,
Then I get on with my day, I go and relax,
But In the past 2+ years there’s been two nights in particular,
Where I couldn’t stop sobbing, I couldn’t see sober.
Right before my infant son was released from hospital,
Severe dehydration had almost claimed his life too well,
I was praying to God, secretly then,
But in the meantime these strategies helped me then,
The things in this course helped flip those endless nights around,
And turn my feelings around in a positive thing,
It’s now time to share them with this town.

Made for ladies but men can join in too,
I’m looking for some of you to help heal too,
Good constructive feedback whe the end is near,
when you’re done mention if you felt any changes or a difference in your situation.

Come take a look…. & Share with any friends you know might need this. 

https://inherhearthealing.learnworlds.com/course/h2h1

Chat

Hurt to Healing. Offer.

I’ll be launching my course on September 10th & I’d love to offer it at a low cost because right now your feedback is more valuable to me.

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The course offers:
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