What if you became bigger than your past? What if it no longer ruled your life daily? Is is a daily battle inside your mind, where you can’t stop reliving the past?
If this is you, then join my free bootcamp where you’ll be able to walk yourself through the 5 days with daily mini-tasks and begin your healing journey.
Hi I’m Emma, creator of this bootcamp, and owner of In Her Heart Healing. I have begun walking women through their healing process, inspired by my best friend, paired with with my experiences and history I have collaborated this information into an program to help women become unstuck and inspire them to finally make the shift from hurt to healing.
By the end of this free bootcamp you’ll begin snapping those negative patterns that have been holding you back, know where you have been & where your going. You’ll learn how to flip negative thoughts on their heads and being walking with inner confidence.
All participants get a free PDF journal to track progress!
GET the FREE workbook delivered to your inbox when the course starts on Dec 1st and to grab a bonus freebie on the page – the Monthly Mindfulness workbook!
How can I have four kids and deal with shit okay, But the kids dad’s just don’t show up for their kids each day?
All in denial, all in their own shit, Can’t see through their crap, For the sake of their kids,
One’s recently ditched her, The other knows about the dry skin, generic condition, But does he do shit to help it? No he skips that shit.
He leaves soap in his bath, Doesn’t moisturize him after, Couldn’t give two shit about his skin, No that’s not what he’s after…
He’s after my reaction, He forces me into this shit, Makes me get mad, All to get me to talk to him, Because he’s emotionally abusive and mad.
He’s used the kids as pawns before, And he is doing it again, All because he’s lost me, And is regretting his decision again.
I’m not falling, not this time, For the shit and the lies, And those pathetic puppy helpless eyes.
He can forget it, I can forgive but not forget. Forcing myself to stop caring for him was my decision, And I’m not looking back.
I’ll try and be civil, I’ll try and be nice. I have tried to forgive, I need to practice thrice….
His mind games are awful, Like cornering me into confess, Something I didn’t do, It is all in his head.
I have a lot to work on, It’s one big mess, But what I promise myself is the best promise yet.
I’ve seen my bad loops, my kink in the line, I see where I stuff up, and I let slack the line, I’m picking up the mess, But where is he? Literally trashing my front yard, Because he’s fucking angry?!
Breaking the agreements, On 3 times what I earn, With a grown adult son, Working is his concern, Can’t pay full child support, Can’t care for his own shit,
Can’t keep on his finances, Can’t keep up with any of it.
I know this feels like I’m dumping on him, But step up to the line mate, Your turn was waiting….
Never paid for us financially, Never the bread winner, Blowing his budget on overpriced cars,
Never bought home the bacon, Never cleaned up the mess, Unmotivated, Untidy, Grumpy, Emotionally a mess.
DCP didn’t even look at him, and he freaked right out, What is he hiding, Something no doubt.
Like literally all the shit was on me, All he saw himself doing was “baby sitting” And that more than I should be grateful for right after having his baby…
But I buy you nice things on the weekend, he says, Like he can buy my love, Caz my heart ain’t there.
But treat her nice, and buy her new things, Well man, move on, He can go find a girl who wants his funk ass attitude and his skint ass money.
He finds it too hard to moisturize his kid, Feed them decent, it’s all takeaway yet, N no coke before bed, they are less than TWO!
I pray for the capacity to move on from this toxic and heavy load, in Jesus name. Amen.
Come on over to my website and check out the courses to begin your journey from hurting to healing http://www.inherhearthealing.com
How you put your children to bed, Is it in anger or with poise? Routines are stuffy, old and fluffy, Dated, debated, rigid and hated… Except for mine which is loved so dearly, By my children and me, We are holding it near, So let me share with you our prayer and proud, Our night routine isn’t usually loud.
Bath & teeth, Play & PJ’s, Book & bed, Proud & Pray, Sometimes we run through what happened today, I pull up the bits that I hold so near, I tell them something they love to hear, Then I ask them, what they are proud of each day, Sometimes its sweet, sometimes its to my dismay, Then its prayer time, I honour all requests, Especially when they want to pray for their dad, my ex.
I pray for them, I pray for me, I thank the Lord with a heart of glee, It’s kiss and a cuddle, Sometimes a drink, Then off to sleep for my little kiddy winks!
What does your routine look like? Do you find them fluffy? Have you forged your own?
The black sludge a-standing, Its audience applauding, As it takes a grand bow on the stage, It’s grimacing smile, it’s eyes will toil, and it’s sharp tongue is flicking around,
The heaviness of a lie so strong, it’s taken up this part of your soul, So deep, so dark, so heavy and sharp, It’s words piercing through sound like a sword,
So dangerous, unsafe, the “feelings” escape, Giving whiplash to your soul, Tearing down your ego at night, Haunting your mind and keep you in flight, It can’t get you when if you’re settled and cool.
It will freeze over, dry up and crack, When the truth and light reflects upon its soul.
It will block your sun, Squash your thoughts, Scream and fight inside your soul,
It can’t be burned, It can’t be earned, The lies it keeps spewing from its hole.
The pits of despair, Raging around everywhere, The deep dark area of my heart, Shaky and frail I stand with my sayin, I will soften myself to you.
It rises up and shreaks, Relinquishes it’s keep knowing I am saving my soul, It screams and it squeales, it makes my earth quake, As I expose the dark pits to my soft side.
A place for it to lay, Frozen like dried clay, Never to rise again, Frozen in Time, it will crumble away, It’s tried to have it’s say, Forever now shut it will lay,
It was black sludge, Made up of nothing more than Pixi dust, Mostly my imaginary thoughts,
Exposed to the light, It’s forever frozen in flight, No more wrenching my soul, It can’t tighten it’s grip, From my throat it has slipped, Fallen to its never more hole.
Dear father in heaven, I pray for my heart, my mind and my soul, Revoke any thing in me that is not from you, Any thing complicated & everything untrue. In my holy fathers, great providers sons name, Amen.
Being abandoned – why can’t you just… He couldn’t be the hero. He couldn’t save him. His testosterone went down. He didn’t feel like a man. He couldn’t show up for me. He couldn’t show up for him.
But I made him that way. “Men can’t handle strong women” was playing in my head, “just bloody show up man”.
But he didn’t. He couldn’t. I blamed him. It was me.
It was me who dominated. It was me who stole the testosterone in the relationship.
I caused this. Fuck that’s hard.
I was too much “an independent woman” and didn’t allow myself to be gentle, needy, soft. Neither was my heart.
Thyroid. Testosterone. Pumped ego.
Falling away.
Reckless abandonment on my life, can no longer, no longer want to hold it.
It’s been a year.
A year since our son was seizuring, severely dehydrated.
A year since his eyes rolled around his little head.
I thought this was done. I thought this was over. It has to burn in me, and let the ash heal my soul.
For he did not enjoy my ultra-independance, enough drive for the both of us.
It ruined us.
It was me.
No time for soft n gentle, No time for faff, No time, and who wants to be needy? That’s NOT my wrap.
Ego.
Pride.
Shame.
I call you out.
I am the one who got the way out.
I am the one who went in with imbalance, I went into a relationship with no need for a man.
I went and had kids, my two beautiful souls, One I almost lost, thanks to my prideful ego.
I’m not proud of the fact, Not of how I chose to act.
Not abandoning my post, My ego “ultra independent” intact.
I didn’t need him, not from the get go, But when he abandoned me, in my time of need, I’ve been blaming him since the get go.
Since our child was hospitalized, When he could have died. A week old, So tiny, For my ego and pride.
Tubes too big for his little body, The things wouldn’t fit, The things he needed, To fix his dehydrated body, My huge mess.
I blamed him for so long, His pride, his ego, his lack of testosterone.
Looking past my faults, I couldn’t see them til now. Man up, I’d think as my ego would bow.
I need this softness to enter my life, This wonderful God I found by my side, Taking us up, me and my son, in his hour of need, Sending his angles to work and watch over him.
The relationship crumbled, It fell to the ground, I stumbled on pieces, That fell all around.
I silenced it. I switched it off. I shut the door to the face, I once adored.
I can’t go back there, Where the healing lies. To say sorry would be abandon my pride.
To go where I don’t want to. To go where it’s clear. To have a relationship I once held so dear.
I’ve tarried with it a year, I won’t go back, ever – I’d say…
He could want me back, And I want to heal.
It feels like a warm spot in a cool swimming pool.
It hurts my heart, and it hurts my head, I still have a shit tonne to process yet.
Thanks to God, and thanks to my new group, them all, I have started my journey to heal my soul.
I will take a breath, I will welcome it in, The feelings of abandonment, Coming flooding in.
Backlap is the rap that haunts me to the core, The screaming, the yelling, the reflection of my soul, Built up in my children, my voices of the past, Haunting, crying, demanding my time more, more, more. Tag teaming, the screaming, no room for a breather, Twelve year Olds up in the shits-a, crying poor. Tense from the thought of school holidays, can’t face my fears, my own cryings poor. Healing is hard, it’s ugly truth, Right up in my face until I hit the roof, Traits from my parents all bottled up tight, flying off the handle is how I saw them fight, Now I am an adult, they belittle me, for they see their ways, so ugly, I need to heal, my mind wants to hide, the deep dark hole is what it fears inside. In I dare peep, ready to shine that light, blazing in my soul from the creator of right, The one who walks with me through the shadow valley, the one who walks with me when things are full blazing, I haven’t forgotten to be grateful to you, the one with the guiding rod, and the souls flashlight too.
Thank you God for watching and being with me on my healing path. Amen.
In Her Heart Healing 
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