Tag: shame

Shame of invisible pain.

Shame of invisible pain.

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

My inability to do things,
Brings me deep shame and discomfort,
Making me hide the blame.

I can’t do anything about it,
I could and actually I do,
My mindset is as strong because of my discomfort,
And my inability to do…

I can’t do things that requires wrist strength,
I’ve always struggled, from playing sports to holding pots,
I was and am never much good.

I can’t hold heavy things for long with my hands,
My wrists give way, cave in, folding,
Buckling to the strain….

Buttons on my hips areas, little pockets in my pants,
Finicky little things and whatnot become a task to do.

I always thought I was clumsy,
Smashing down the plates,
Accidentally almost dropping them was just in due course,
Otherwise if I wasn’t clumsy with my shitty wrists I was seen as slow and lazy,
Fumbling over the bits…

And it crushed my self esteem,
Having shitty wrists…
Couldn’t see the problem,
Well then it can’t exist.

The things those labels did to me,
Being slow, lazy or careless…
I could just be slow and careful…
Or quick and careless…

Deep shame and worthlessness,
Pains me to this day,
Having my teenage daughter struggle,
Makes me wonder if her wrists are the same…..




Just because something isn’t understood or if it’s unseen doesn’t mean it magically doesn’t exist. Be nice to those you meet, especially if you disagree.



Youth ain’t easy

Youth ain’t easy

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Falling in love is now the hardest thing, something that most people find easy,
Confused and teased by my brother’s friends in what’s meant to have been a safe environment.
Brink of youth, they mocked me and my best friend,
Making hints just over our heads, continuous,
Making us question each other, changing our views so differently,
Breaking something full of innocent and sincerity,
For my best friend was a male, and I a female,
We got along so well until that long time,
Making us wonder and question the status,
Something that was beyond our innocent little minds.

Untamed

Untamed

by In Her Heart Healing ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The black sludge a-standing,
Its audience applauding,
As it takes a grand bow on the stage,
It’s grimacing smile, it’s eyes will toil, and it’s sharp tongue is flicking around,

The heaviness of a lie so strong, it’s taken up this part of your soul,
So deep, so dark, so heavy and sharp,
It’s words piercing through sound like a sword,

So dangerous, unsafe, the “feelings” escape,
Giving whiplash to your soul,
Tearing down your ego at night,
Haunting your mind and keep you in flight,
It can’t get you when if you’re settled and cool.

It will freeze over, dry up and crack,
When the truth and light reflects upon its soul.

It will block your sun,
Squash your thoughts,
Scream and fight inside your soul,

It can’t be burned,
It can’t be earned,
The lies it keeps spewing from its hole.

The pits of despair,
Raging around everywhere,
The deep dark area of my heart,
Shaky and frail I stand with my sayin,
I will soften myself to you.

It rises up and shreaks,
Relinquishes it’s keep knowing I am saving my soul,
It screams and it squeales, it makes my earth quake,
As I expose the dark pits to my soft side.

A place for it to lay,
Frozen like dried clay,
Never to rise again,
Frozen in Time, it will crumble away,
It’s tried to have it’s say,
Forever now shut it will lay,

It was black sludge,
Made up of nothing more than Pixi dust,
Mostly my imaginary thoughts,

Exposed to the light,
It’s forever frozen in flight,
No more wrenching my soul,
It can’t tighten it’s grip,
From my throat it has slipped,
Fallen to its never more hole.

Dear father in heaven,
I pray for my heart, my mind and my soul,
Revoke any thing in me that is not from you,
Any thing complicated & everything untrue.
In my holy fathers, great providers sons name,
Amen.