
Realizing now,
The errors in ways,
Don’t need to be sorted out,
Unpacked or unclothed.
For they need prayer,
Each and every one,
For the wrong doings to become undone.

Realizing now,
The errors in ways,
Don’t need to be sorted out,
Unpacked or unclothed.
For they need prayer,
Each and every one,
For the wrong doings to become undone.

It feels like thunderstorm
Loud, heavy, damp
It feels like lightning going
Snap, crackle, crack.
It feels like peace,
Untethered joy,
Contentment,
Happiness,
The gladness, oh boy.
Change is happening,
Three sixties occuring,
All that was needed was a little connection.
When old habits come,
When it’s a full on meltdown,
I grab her a little,
Wobble her arm,
Nonverbal connection
In overwhelm,
Is all that is needed,
To make us safe and well.
*This is a story of how I helped my daughter come out of a meltdown, I connected and made her giggle. This is not advice you need to take on or implement. This is my opinion and experience.

I turn to God for everything,
As much as I can muster.
In the business of life,
When I’m in a fluster,
God gives me an answer.
He is clear as day,
As his response can be heard,
If you listen like you’re hearing a friend,
Answering replies, God sent.
For He knows you and knows me well too,
He knows our souls, and our minds too,
Too does he know what is in our hearts,
From us he won’t depart.
For God is always here,
Through the valley and the peaks,
Through the low times and the good times,
God’s always near,
When I turn and talk to my friend, Lord and Saviour,
He’s always available with his listening ear.
For God is great and he knows it all,
He will stop me from an otherwise fall.
Thank you God.

The unravel of the 2020 gravel that life put me through,
Dates pending, colliding with one another,
Time was not my friend,
As I grasped for help, it seemed like a yelp,
I was someone desperate for breath,
Wrong person, scott free, bailed on all but two questionings,
While under investigation, he ran from his nothing, blind eyes turned to his side,
My situation speaks, only the evidence that leaks,
Emotional toil, hormonal unseen.
No tests, no kits, I’m not an experim*i*nt,
You all just leave me alone,
With your poking and prodding,
Leaving me second guessing,
Maybe it was all just a gross joke,
Maybe it was me where the lies ceased to precede,
But they all had me wrapped up as a joke.
These people of the underground,
Heavenly put under foot,
Don’t like what the truth beholds,
The strong and the bold,
With knowledgeable God on my side,
They won’t easily take a “no”.
Even those in the game,
Possessed by authority,
And especially those “just doing their job”,
Unquestioning,
To you I thank,
For the experience I take,
The knowledge of all your back hands.
Because No means No in any setting,
And only give them something under duress,
It works for police, So I’ve been told,
For one to make such a move, bold.
I wonder in the setting,
Of the white coat,
What would be their response,
If one only consented under duress,
What would be their reaction and response.
For no means no,
Or so they say,
If you are a rapist today.
But in the medical field,
In the house of police,
Investigations that was on my heels,
Detectives where on my case.
I kept coming back to my circumstance,
But that, in their eyes, was just a disguise,
Something they thought should be completely dismissed.
“That can’t be the reason”
Bellowed and echoed along,
Like it was 2020s song,
One to which they all sang along,
While I sat there alone,
With no where to go,
No emotional safe place to turn.
While those in white coats,
Treated me like a joke,
Like my hormones where something I can control.
They scoffed and they scolded,
Dirty looks over shouldered,
As I would walk into that room,
The Facebook post, of 2020s memories,
The posts made one year ago…
The immense pressure from several transgressors,
All the same week my little man was birthed,
Reasons thrown out the window,
Finding one to suit their story,
Because mine reasons couldn’t be why.
And what was concluded,
Where was the real reason rooted?
To them it was hard but “factually based”,
That I didn’t supply enough milk,
And that due to his jaundice,
And the DNA components,
That’s the reason behind it all,
Because as science states,
Stress and toxins don’t interfere with hormones, do they mates?
No that won’t fit their narrative,
It doesn’t matter,
A security guard father,
Can’t be the one causing the distress,
It must be the mother,
So we’ll investigate her further,
To them it was always me.
Lockdown number three,
It’s only for a week,
The church pastors are cowering,
Fearing the men, weak.
We should have been in training,
For a situation like this,
For the weak men and falling,
As we pray for those to stumble as they speak.
Drive out the demons,
We’ve been called to do,
Are we taught this in church?
That is a no.
Boldly ask God for guidance,
In situations that seem blue,
Are we calling on God to help us walk through?
On faith of a mustard seed,
We are calling upon you,
Stand up, speak out,
There’s something you should do.
Make our voices loud,
And make our choices bold,
Stand for something in this demonized world.
Post letters to your local MPs,
Stating what you want,
Be polite,
Do it right,
Ask them “who will stand up for us” with all your might.
For silence, these days, is consent,
Only speak to the officials “under duress”,
Don’t contract with them under stress,
Don’t just hand them what they want.
Powers in Heaven,
God’s got it fold seven,
Compared to these little things on earth that conduse and demand,
Under the evil command,
Who Intimidate and invalidate.
Don’t fall for their lies,
Don’t fall under their eyes,
Caz man, God has got your back.
Go there and ask for protection,
Find your godly connection,
Sing praise he’s made a new day.
For the time is not over,
The end is not come,
This could be a 40 year stint.
You’ve read it in the bible,
So go and get off of your bums,
Don’t turn a blind face,
Don’t be glum,
Go and find hope in the world,
Find the God lovers,
Those with God on their side,
And don’t rest until there’s a good place we can reside.
You can start,
Bit you won’t finish,
You can begin with no end,
It’s the journey not the destination,
Sometimes feels like you can reach a nation,
Sometimes you can hit a mile,
Sometimes it’s just the destination,
Sufficient for her minds station.
Maybe the transitions are hard,
The stopping of one thing,
Then the start,
The moving to and fro,
Really gets to her little heart.
It’s not that she can’t do,
It’s not that she can’t find,
It’s that what she can’t process in her mind,
She’s unable to imagine well,
She’s unable to future-see,
Unable to look into the well you see.
Unable to look into her future,
Missing endless possibilities,
It’s only what’s in front of her,
Is only what she sees,
And when there’s change and no evidence,
It’s not in her minds abilities.
She is the most beautiful soul,
I have ever seen,
Gentle, kind and caring,
The most beautiful heart has she,
And though her life may be turmoil,
Going to and fro between,
It’s a splendid little life,
She has to share,
And all she wants to do is care.
Sometimes it comes out wrong,
And at times it not easy,
For her to say or do the right thing,
For her to show us she cares,
People take her the wrong way,
Sometimes she gets it wrong,
Her hearts always in the right place,
Has been all along.
Journal. Breathe. Accept. Change.
Be mindful.
But ugh the kids won’t stop screaming at me.
I can’t pick the right YouTube video to cast upon the screen.
I can’t ever be entertaining enough, unless you’re squishing me.
You don’t want the food,
You don’t want your drink,
You just sculled your bottle,
And now you’re bored of me.
Outside its wet, and too muddy,
Mummys warm clothes no longer fit,
She’s just done her back in,
The inspection is looming,
N mums got a headache.
Children, stop screaming at me.
When I place you on the floor,
Let you pick your own movie,
When I’ve left the room,
And once I’ve shut the door,
I hear your happy burbles,
And the calm, content.
Why is it that I feel shot with a guilty mummy complex.
When I’m not in the room,
Your happy babbles fill the air,
Happy with the toy in front of you,
All I wanted was to show you I care.
The backlash is harsh,
For when you’re stuck on the floor,
And I rush in to help you,
You’re asking for more.
I keep trying,
I move you,
I give you a song,
I try and engage but you won’t sing along…
You want to play,
Not with me again today,
It seems like your hearts content like before.
The mum guilt pains me,
Right here in my chest,
I know that you love me,
Am I only good for rest?
I guess I can go to God for fulfilment,
I wish I could cuddle my children for a moment,
Not sick, not angry, not screaming at me,
Not tired, not lonely,
Just a cuddle to be.
To love and to show you that I care for you,
And perhaps to lift my spirits when I’m feeling a bit blue…
So I will be disheartened,
And I will turn to God.
He’s got my fulfillment,
My contentment,
He holds the sentiment,
Ready to go.
So I shall bow my head,
And I will pray,
God send me this happiness from your heart today,
Send me some joy, that I can be glad, that my kids rely upon me when they are mad.
You must be logged in to post a comment.